How to Stop Prioritising Everyone Else and Start Prioritising Yourself

Growing up with emotionally immature or narcissistic parents often means you’ve been taught—directly or indirectly—that your needs come second, or even last. You might have been praised for being “the helpful one,” or made to feel guilty if you weren’t always accommodating others. As an adult, this can lead to patterns of over-giving, people-pleasing, and neglecting your own well-being.

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Breaking free from these patterns and learning to prioritise yourself can feel daunting, but it’s also incredibly empowering. Let’s explore how childhood dynamics shape this behaviour, how to recognise when you’re overextending yourself, and practical steps you can take to reclaim your time and energy.

Childhood Dynamics and Over-Giving

Children of emotionally immature parents often grow up in an environment where their emotional needs were overlooked or dismissed. Perhaps your parent relied on you for emotional support, leaving little room for you to develop your own boundaries. You might have learned that your value lay in what you could do for others, whether that was keeping the peace, meeting their expectations, or fulfilling roles that weren’t appropriate for a child.

These dynamics can create a deep sense of responsibility for others’ happiness. You may feel that if you don’t step up, everything will fall apart. Unfortunately, this belief often carries into adulthood, showing up as over-giving in relationships, work, and daily life.

The good news is, this pattern isn’t permanent. Recognising where it started is the first step to changing it.

Recognising When Your Overextending Yourself

It’s easy to fall into the habit of saying “yes” to everything without realising the toll it’s taking on you. Here are some common signs you might be overextending yourself:

You feel exhausted but keep pushing through – Your to-do list is endless, and rest feels like a luxury you can’t afford.

You struggle to say no – Whether it’s at work, with friends, or in family dynamics, you feel guilty or anxious at the thought of disappointing others.

Your needs are always at the bottom of the list – You might tell yourself you’ll take a break or do something for yourself “once everything else is done,” but that time never seems to come.

You feel resentful – Over time, constantly giving can leave you feeling unappreciated or resentful, even if you’re not sure why.

Awareness is key. Once you notice these patterns, you can begin to make intentional changes.

3 Habits to Help Your Prioritise Self-Care

Prioritising yourself doesn’t mean neglecting others—it means creating balance so you can show up in a healthier, more sustainable way. Here are three habits to help you get started:

Schedule “non-negotiable” time for yourself

Treat your self-care like any other commitment. Block out time for things that recharge you—whether it’s a morning walk, reading a book, or simply sitting quietly with a cup of tea. Start small; even 10 minutes a day can make a difference.

Practice saying no (without over-explaining)

Saying no is a skill, and it takes practice. Start by giving yourself permission to say no without feeling guilty. You don’t owe anyone a long explanation. A simple, “I’m not able to take that on right now” is enough.

Check in with yourself regularly

Make it a habit to pause and ask yourself: What do I need right now? This simple question can help you reconnect with your own needs and prevent you from automatically prioritising others.

Final Thoughts

Relearning how to prioritise yourself is a journey, not a quick fix. Be gentle with yourself as you begin to shift these patterns. It’s okay to start small—whether that’s saying no to one thing this week, setting aside 10 minutes for yourself, or simply recognising when you’re overextending.

Remember, prioritising your own well-being doesn’t make you selfish; it makes you stronger. By taking care of yourself, you’ll have more energy, clarity, and resilience to show up for the people and things that truly matter in your life.

If this resonates with you, know that support is available. Therapy offers a safe space to explore these patterns, validate your experiences, and build the tools to prioritise yourself without guilt. You don’t have to do this alone.