How To Start Talking About Mental Health
Talking about your own mental health
If you have something on your mind or are worried about your own mental health, it can feel difficult to open up that conversation with others. It can leave you feeling alone and isolated, and like no one else will understand. But this is not true. The Mental Health Foundation estimates that 1 in 6 people have experienced a common mental health problem in the past. And this doesn’t even account for everyday problems such as work stress, relationship problems, loneliness, and so on.
The likelihood is, someone that you have has also experienced problems with their mental health or emotional wellbeing, and even if they haven’t, they might still be a good person to talk to. They might be a good listener or offer level-headed advice.
Here are some tips about broaching the topic.
(a) Choose the “right” person.
Like I said above, it is likely that a number of your friends might have experienced similar issues in the past, or helped someone else who has experienced similar issues. However, it is important for you that you choose someone that you are comfortable with.
Which of your friends do you feel the most connected to? Which of your loved ones is able to be serious in a conversation? Who is a good listener? Who feels safe? Who is a caring person?
(b) Go at your pace.
Whenever you are talking about your mental health, whether it is with a friend or a professional, it is important that you go at your own pace. Know when you are able to push yourself further and when you need to give yourself some time. Going too quickly, or too deep, too early, can leave you feeling raw and vulnerable if you don’t have the proper support.
It is sometimes a good idea, for this reason, to “test the waters” slightly first. Maybe talk to a friend about something that is serious but not too personal first, to see how they respond.
(c) Arrange a private time.
It can be helpful for your friend if they are slightly prepared rather than ambushed on a night out. Perhaps arrange to meet your friend one-on-one or book in a phone call/zoom chat with them. Let them know that you’d like to talk about something private with them and hope that they can support you.
This will hopefully stop them from extending the invite to other people, and let them know that you’re not ‘just’ meeting for a drink.
(d) Set the parameters.
A lot of the time, when we tell someone else of a problem that we have, their first instinct is to try to solve it for/with us. However, this isn’t always what we want. Sometimes we just want to offload or make someone aware of what is going on.
If you are looking for someone to help you solve a problem, then great. But if not, it can be helpful to start the conversation off by saying something like; “I need to talk to you about something, I’m not looking for advice or for you to solve the problem.. at the moment I just want to talk about it.” - or something along those lines.
This can set the boundaries of the conversation quite well, and also might take some pressure off your friend who might be panicking trying to find a solution for you!
Worried about someone else’s mental health
A lot of the points from above will still be relevant here. If you are worried about someone else’s mental health it is important:
(a) Not to ambush them
Make sure you keep the conversation private and non-confrontational. Don’t say something like “You’ve been acting strange. What’s going on?”, instead try to be a bit gentler by saying something like “I noticed that you've not really been yourself lately. Is everything okay?”
(b) Not to push them
They might not be ready to talk about what is on their mind at the moment that you approach them - they might claim that there is nothing wrong at all - so it is important not to push them. Let them know that if they ever want to talk, you will be there for them.
Sometimes, just knowing that there is someone there who is ready and open for that kind of talk, is enough to help them feel better, or enough to encourage them to open that conversation at a later date.
(c) To be non-judgemental
One of the biggest things that stops people from talking about their mental health or emotional problems is fear of judgement. They are worried about how others might see them, or that how others treat them will change. So, it is very important to keep an open mind, not to jump to conclusions, and not to jump to solutions.
Just as we said above, sometimes we only want to vent - not to have solutions shoved in our faces - so it is important that we give others the same courtesy.
If you would like to book an initial counselling session with me, please click here to get started!
