Is Gaslighting Impacting Your Adult Relationships?
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation that causes someone to doubt their perceptions, feelings, and memories.
Growing up with emotionally immature or manipulative individuals can make you second-guess yourself, even as an adult. Being gaslit in your formative years can shape how you see yourself and others, often spilling into adult relationships in unexpected ways.
Many people who’ve experienced childhood gaslighting find it hard to trust others, struggle with people-pleasing, or frequently question their judgment in personal and professional settings.
Signs of Gaslighting’s Lasting Impact
Recognising the effects of past gaslighting in your life now is a powerful first step toward healing. Here are some common signs that childhood gaslighting may still be affecting you:
Second-guessing yourself: Do you constantly replay conversations or decisions, wondering if you said or did the “right” thing? This doubt can stem from years of having your perceptions invalidated, making it hard to trust your judgment.
Difficulty trusting others: Gaslighting erodes the fundamental belief that others will respect your thoughts and feelings. In adult relationships, this can look like expecting to be let down or struggling to share your emotions out of fear they’ll be disregarded.
People-pleasing behaviours: If you learned that keeping others happy was the safest option, you might now prioritise others' needs over your own. While people-pleasing often seems harmless, it can lead to exhaustion and resentment over time.
Need for reassurance: In professional or romantic situations, you might find yourself needing frequent validation. This need can feel overwhelming and can strain relationships when others don’t fully understand why reassurance is so essential to you.
Rebuilding Trust in Relationships
If these patterns resonate with you, know that healing from gaslighting is possible. Here are some steps you can take to rebuild trust and confidence in your relationships:
Communicate openly: Practice sharing how you feel in safe relationships. If a friend or partner has shown themselves to be reliable, let them know how important it is for you to feel validated. Begin by sharing small, vulnerable moments and gradually build up to discussing deeper issues.
Set boundaries: Establish clear limits on what behaviours you will and won’t tolerate in relationships. This can include addressing behaviours that make you feel uncomfortable, reminding yourself that your feelings are valid, and distancing yourself if necessary. Boundaries are not about punishment but about creating a safe space where trust can grow.
Develop self-compassion: Gaslighting often leaves us with harsh inner critics, judging every mistake or uncertainty. Practice self-compassion by acknowledging that questioning yourself is a normal part of healing. Try speaking to yourself as you would to a friend, affirming that it’s okay to need time and space to rebuild your self-trust.
Seek reassurance from within: While it’s natural to seek validation from those around you, finding ways to reassure yourself can be empowering. Start by journaling about situations where your judgment proved accurate or recall moments when you made decisions that positively impacted your life. Over time, these exercises can help you lean more on your intuition and experience.
Conclusion: Finding Healing and Support
Healing from the effects of childhood gaslighting is a journey, and it's completely possible to rebuild a sense of trust, confidence, and self-worth. Therapy can provide a safe space to explore these challenges, understand their roots, and develop healthier patterns. It’s also a way to build a toolkit for communication, boundary-setting, and self-compassion that can profoundly transform your relationships.
If you’re ready to start unpacking how childhood gaslighting might be impacting your relationships, I encourage you to book a session. With support and understanding, you can move towards relationships that feel secure, fulfilling, and free from the shadows of the past.
